I became yours and
You became mine !
And we stayed together ,
Through both the tears
and the laughter !
Because thats what they call,
Happily ever after! ”
I woke up to a horrible guttural sound(that in brief describes spouse’s special relationship with his toothbrush ) and I am thinking bathrooms have doors for a reason !! Sheepishly he looks at me and says Happy thirty ninth!! 39 years already ?? Yes indeed ..30 th April 1978 ! Our wedding anniversaries have always been ,I will use the word ‘interesting ‘for lack of a more appropriate one ! I was never prepared for what was on offer so it was always a call to the Universe to bring it on !
When love is a noun :
We met by accident .Spouse said he instantly knew I was not his ‘type ‘ of girl yet there was something celestial that bound us together. It took a long time and a lot of heart ache before we understood each other and learnt to appreciate what we had . I did have romantic illusions as a teenager but then one learns to look for love in the unusual .. in a phone call asking for help to change a flat tyre , sipping champagne and enjoying the view from the top deck of the Eiffel tower on a full moon night or even a forgotten birthday!!
William Shakespeare might have had the definitive word on Marriage but he is by no means alone on finding matrimony a subject rich in wit. I am not denying that a happy marriage can bring a lifetime of love, companionship and fulfilment – but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a laugh at the playful sarcasm that often surrounds it ! Some of the finest and funniest minds in history have waxed lyrical on the joys of wedded bliss ! Inviting laughter into our marriage has definitely helped to defuse many a tense moments !
And then love became a verb :
Over the years one understands with clarity that there is a lot more to that feeling . Love takes on may avatars and operates at various levels ! Being loved ,validated and cared for makes one more prepared to face life . Often times it just takes 3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns and 1 emotion…. I LOVE YOU ..to change things around . Love is active and its intentional !
Promises made and kept :
The cultural differences soon got ironed out . After a rocky start life took off on a new footing . I dint know what I was committing to then ..and I still question my choices now yet we have survived the storms and learned to dance in the rain . Soon one appreciates the weird sense of humour , the eccentricities become endearing , the cooing turns to loud chomps and burps and the Spanish guitar may bow out gracefully to make way for music of another kind ..snoring yet it does not disturb ones Virgo heart ! For him too it was a voyage of discovery . Life with a woman who did not fit into the mould of a stereotypical Indian housewife was challenging !
The vicissitudes of life :
Together we started life .. painstakingly built a home ,raised two kids and pets , survived an empty nest and welcomed an adorable grandchild ! Our marriage had its fair share of conflict, frustration, boredom, unresolvable arguments and slammed doors !And until we found the key to have enough good things to balance them out ..life was a roller coaster .
We had illnesses, birthdays parties, surgeries, anniversaries,festivals , skiing trips , beach vacations, holidays to unusual destinations , successful ventures , crying out to God, money made and money lost.There were many dumb decisions and some good ones . And there were the disagreements some of which ended in apologies while the others in threats to go the legal route ! Each year came with its special surprises and challenges, its hard fought lessons and its moments of sweetness.That’s what marriage is , a heady cocktail of richer, poorer, good times and the bad.
And through it all we learned what love is!!
I learned to live with grace .
I learned that there is wisdom in compromise because its better to bend than break .
I learned that honesty and trust are the highest forms of intimacy .
I learnt constructive ways to handle differences in language and culture .
I read The art of war by Sun Tzu and applied some of the principles for fighting battles of a different kind .
I learned that in the face of any challenge one can choose joy and meaning.
I learned that moderation and balance are key.
I learned that Karma is real .
I learned that energy is palpable .
I learned that the we get treated in life the way we teach others to treat us .
I learned that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself !
I learned that all of us deserve a second chance.
I learned that life is all about the journey and not the destinations .
I learned that the more I express gratitude the more things I will have to be grateful about .
I learned that patience and keeping the faith are virtues that are vital for survival .
I learned that no relationship is all sunshine but two people can share an umbrella and survive the storm together .
I learned to heed the call of my heart .
I learned that failure is not fatal and its the courage to continue that counts .
I learned that courage is not the absence of fear .
I also learned that the learning journey never ends … there are miles to go before I sleep !
This quote by Kahlil Gibran adequately sums up the last 39 years of our life together !
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
Happy Anniversary dear Spouse ! Thank you for walking alongside !
Leaving you with this beautiful number ‘Love is a verb’ by John Mayer